This is the second installment of Jack Diablo Hates™, in which our revered lead singer rips Florida a new asshole.
Florida needs to secede. There, I said it.
All of our country’s slime seems to drip toward the equator, ending in one big retarded grease trap in the Sunshine State. Florida makes Mississippi look like Florence during the Italian Renaissance.
If a cousin-fucker hits the newswire for doing bath salts and trying to eat the face off his morbidly obese sister, you know it happened in Florida.
Floridians have usurped the state’s natural beauty and turned it into a dystopian Wal-Mart-themed concentration camp.
It’s like a blonde that was hot in her twenties who’s now 54 and so pumped with Botox, cocaine, and opiates that she doesn’t realize everyone’s laughing at her cellulite ass hanging out of her neon thong while her emotionally unstable Pomeranian hides between her wrinkly tits.
Sure, there are the gays, the Jews, Disney World, and Gloria Estefan, but for the most part, the entire state is a playground for slack-jawed third-world rednecks.
What’s the solution, then? They don’t need welfare because welfare is a crutch. What they need is their own government, their own laws:
Incest can be legal! Marry your underage sister, and sell the sex tape!
Be encouraged to gain 400 pounds and punch the Domino’s guy in the face, because he forgot your garlic twists!
If you’re askin’ me, Jack Diablo, I abide by one simple phrase: Build the wall!