10 Questions with . . . Dickey Oceans

Tethering the fine line between transcendence and perversion, the inimitable Dickey Oceans sat down for a lengthy and rambling interview in which he discussed his childhood as a feral wolf and his teenage years as a model for LA Gear. We’ve whittled it down for this week’s installment of “10 Questions with…”

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Dickey Oceans, discussing the Higgs boson.

1. What’s the best aspect of working with Fancy Ketchup?

Moonlit walks on the beach with Sisyphus.

 

2. How did the band form (briefly)?

We met in line for the world premiere of The Notebook.

 

3. Tell us about the album “For Whom My Balls Toil.”

I’d love to, but I blacked out in the studio.

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Dickey, recording “FWMBT.”

 

4. Who’s a bigger asshole, Coxx or Diablo?

Trust me . . . Diablo has a bigger asshole.

 

5. Who is your least favorite member of the band? Why?

It’s a tie between everyone. But mostly that other guy who plays guitar. I forgot his name.

 

6. Sexual preference?

Roman-style orgy.

 

7. You guys have like 6 bass players. What gives?

Someone needs to carry the gear.

 

8. Favorite ice cream flavor?

Vagina.

pink ice cream

9. Who’s your favorite artist that no one’s heard of?

Fancy Ketchup.

 

10. Would you rather be retarded or dead? Why?

Both; for reasons you’re probably too retarded to understand.

Coxx’s Summer Reading List

As summer reaches its peak and Labor Day approaches, you may find yourself with your toes in the sand at the local beach or sipping lemonade on your front-porch swing. For such an occasion, Sisyphus Coxx provides recommendations for end-of-summer reading.

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Coxx’s recommended readings: An age-old tradition.

 

 

How to Raise a Xenophobe (2012)

Coxx comment: “Chock full of parenting tips to help guide your budding jingoist.”

 

Women Are from San Bernardino, Men Are from Fontana (2014)

Coxx comment: “Really helped me better understand my first and second wives.”

 

Marriage Swap: How to Fuck Your Friend’s Wife in Three Easy Steps (2011, second edition)

Coxx comment: “The title is somewhat misleading. The third step, the fucking, is easy; the first two steps take some planning.

 

Healthy Eating for the Chinese Octogenarian (1999)

Coxx comment: “Recommended by my acupuncturist.”

 

Reagan’s Bloody Urine, Taft’s Hermaphroditic Cousin, and Other Fun Presidential Facts (2010)

Coxx comment: “Some funny stuff in here, like the time Grover Cleveland got drunk and shaved off Chester A. Arthur’s sideburns.”

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Chester A. Arthur, before humiliation.

 

10 Questions with . . . Sisyphus Coxx

In this week’s installment of “10 Questions with…” we speak with Sisyphus Coxx from his opulent Italian villa along the Amalfi Coast, where he is currently under house arrest for crimes against humanity.

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Coxx, under heavy sedation.

1. What’s the best aspect of working with FK?

The spiritual satisfaction that comes from spreading our vision of social, religious, and economic equality across ethnically and intellectually diverse communities.

 

2. How did the band form (briefly)?

Read the mythology, you ignorant churl.

 

3. Tell us about the album “For Whom My Balls Toil.”

Dickey Oceans wrote all the songs and played all the instruments.

 

4. Who is your least favorite member of the band? Why?

Definitely me. I find myself abusive and extremely difficult to work with.

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Coxx, after being berated by Coxx.

 

5. Who is the true lead singer? Why?

Frau, without a doubt.

 

6. If you could overdose on one drug, what would it be?

A speedball of chewing tobacco and crack.

 

7. Sexual preference?

Repressed religious moms.

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Repressed mom in therapy after torrid affair with Coxx.

 

8. Favorite artist that no one’s heard of?

U2. Oh wait, I thought you said favorite artist that no one gives a shit about anymore.

 

9. Use 3 adjectives to describe Jack Diablo.

Flatulent, ethnic, nourished.

 

10. Favorite FK song. Why?

Baby Dick, of course.

 

10 Questions with . . . Frau Chicklet

From her empathetic vocal take on Hold the Mayos “(Just Keep) Tryin’ (To Do Your Best)” to her volunteer work with Ivy League-bound Caucasian boys, Frau Chicklet‘s joie de vivre is evident in all her endeavors, including the latest installment of our series “10 Questions with . . . “

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One of Frau’s multiple eyes.

1. What’s the best aspect of working with FK?

They think I’m the Al-Qaeda Girl. Alas, I’m not.

2. Your favorite comedians?

Rush Limbaugh, John Boehner.

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John Boehner, one of the funniest men in America.

3. Can you tell us how the band formed?

A literary beast mated with a receptive poltergeist.

4. Who’s a bigger asshole, Coxx or Diablo?

Well, one’s asshole size is the same as the other guy’s penis. Like a lock and key.

5. Who is your least favorite member of the band? Why?

I just love all of these men!

6. Who is the true lead singer? Why?

Coxx takes you high, and Diablo takes you low–I just don’t know!

7. If you could overdose on one drug, what would it be?

Serotonin.

8. Personal question, but . . . Sexual preference?

Amplexus.

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My Lexus flexes from here to Amplexus.

9. Use 3 adjectives to describe Jack Diablo.

Good. Bad. Ugly. J/K!!! (please don’t squish me like a bug, you brute!)

10. What’s your favorite FK song. Why?

I love Whore Hut. It makes me so proud to be an American! Shizzle be rockin’!

10 Questions with . . . JOJO Modesto

In the second part of our series entitled “10 Questions with. . . ” we chat with JoJo Modesto, a character loosely based on the character of Blanche DuBois from F. Scott Fitzgerald’s masterpiece 1983. A candid yet sentimental man of frothy build, JoJo nearly wept as he recounted his emotional journey from pediatric oncologist to part-time bass player for Fancy Ketchup.

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Jojo, in scrubs, prepares for surgery.

 1. What’s the best aspect of working with FK?
 
It’s the only job that I have so I guess it’s better than nothing.
 
2. Tell us about the album “For Whom My Balls Toil.”
 
“Grandpa’s Balls” really really weighs it down.
 
3. Who’s a bigger asshole, Coxx or Diablo?
 
They both keep trying to outdo one another, so it depends on the day. Once, Diablo said his urine could cure my acne, so he decided to pee on my face once a day for a month. Of course, I wouldn’t let him, but somehow he found out where I slept (my mom’s) and peed repeatedly on my face. I have to say, it did cure the acne, but as a result, something else formed on me that no doctor has been able to identify. At least Coxx brought me a pack of Oscar Meyer wieners one day when I was literally starving to death, and force fed them into my anus.
 
4. What is the future for FK?
 
I was told when I joined the band back in ’04 that we’d be playing the Great Western Forum for our 10-year reunion tour… So I’m pretty pumped up. 
 
5. Who is your least favorite member of the band? Why?
 
ALL OF EM! They all agreed when I joined the band that I would get paid 25 cents per day for the rest of my life. Seemed like a great deal at the time. I haven’t seen a check or even a quarter. Fuck Todd Wallenbrock!
 
6. If you could overdose on one drug, what would it be?
 
You know the scrapings you scratch off a lottery ticket? I’d love to overdose on that. After they pump my stomach at the ER and revive me, they’d tell me that I had the winning ticket and that I was now totally rich, and they’d have a sweet whore just waiting to take me home and make me feel better.
 
7. Sexual preference?
 
I prefer someone that’s blonde, long-legged, and terminally ill so I don’t have to tell ‘em what I gave ‘em. (he winks, mischievously.)
 
8. Favorite ice cream flavor?
 
Ice cream? ICE CREAM? I always got a scoop after my uncle…. (tears). Next question. 
 
9. Favorite artist that no one’s heard of?
 
Voluptuous Chunk.
 
10. Favorite FK song. Why?
 
“I Just Became Deaf (Now Fuck-Off!).” It’s a B-side.
Now, read Part 1 of series.

10 Questions with . . . Slick Dickson

In the first of a new series entitled “10 Questions with . . . ” we talk to musical and mathematical genius, human rights activist, and former mayor of Fresno, Slick Dickson. Whether waxing philosophically about a wide variety of esoteric topics or discussing the drinkability of Miller Genuine Draft, Slick makes for a humorous yet thought-provoking interview subject.

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Slick Dickson, ca. 1933

1. What’s the best aspect of working with FK?

Leaving the gig.

2. Who is your favorite comedian?

Osama Bin Laffin.

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Comedian Osama Bin Laffin

3. Can you briefly describe how the band formed?

We met in the unemployment line.

4. What is the future for FK?

The past.

5. Who is the true lead singer? Why?

Slick Dixon (cause he rules).

6. If you could overdose on one drug, what would it be?

Vagina, hands down.

7. You guys have like 6 bass players. Why?

It’s part of a (highly successful) prison outreach program.

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Slick Dickson, ca. 2009

8. Turn us on to a favorite artist that no one’s heard of.

Pablo Picasshole.

9. Would you rather be retarded or dead? Why?

I rather be dead retarded.

10. Use 3 adjectives to describe Jack Diablo.

Fucking Dumb-Ass Piece-of-Shit Loser.