Celebrate Hold the Mayo’s 5-Year Anniversary

Five years ago, we released one of the greatest albums in the history of Fancy Ketchup. We’re talking about “Hold the Mayo.” You know, the one with Al-Qaeda Girls, Baby Dick, and Whore Hut. It’s a staple of any collection, so you should buy it.

iTunes is standing by to take your order. Take me to Hold the Mayo.

Hold the Mayo

 

There Really is a War on Christmas

Liberals will have you believe that we live in a multicultural, postreligious society that embraces inclusion of all races, creeds, and beliefs. But, as anyone who pays attention to the daily news knows, this is a lie uttered by Satan himself. In fact, as the liberal media emboldens Islamic fundamentalism, even placing a devotee in the White House (for two terms, no less!), it vilifies gun-toting, Blood-of-Christ-loving pragmatists such as Josh Feuerstein (who, incidentally, should be encouraged to drop the suffix of his last name), whose bold and veritable video—shared below—went viral and, in a single scythian blow, forced Starbucks into bankruptcy.

Fancy Ketchup believes, as the majority of God-fearing Americans do, in the unequivocal sanctity of the precious Baby Jesus Christ, his virgin birth, his white skin and blond hair, his support of the Second Amendment (proving his prescience), his host of miracles as chronicled second- or thirdhand in the New Testament, and his strong condemnation of the phrase “Happy Holidays!” replacing “Merry Christmas!” in the popular lexicon.

Further, as a gift from above, Baby Christ himself, through transduction, implanted in Sisyphus Coxx and Juan Aguas perhaps the single greatest Christmas song recorded by human entities. Thus, as avatars of the divine word, Coxx and Aguas claim no credit for the composition of this song (except copyright, God said we could have that), and, therefore, allow our fans to download and share at will, like Icelandic berserkers under the frenetic influence of mushroom tea. Baby Jesus decrees (as translated from the original Aramaic): “Be a warrior for all that is good and right. Be a warrior in the War on Christmas, and share the fucking song, already.”

Check out the lyrics

 

Thanksgiving Message from FK

If you think about it, not much has changed since the first Thanksgiving was celebrated in 1492. For example: we’re still thankful when a baby isn’t stolen by a pack of ravenous wolves on a frigid late-autumn night, its meat stripped from its now hollow carcass. Also, we’re still thankful that our god is real and worthy of worship and theirs is but a vestige of a primitive religion long ago discounted by science and reason.

Nonetheless, there are things for which we, the members of Fancy Ketchup, are specifically thankful. We hope you’ll take a minute after reading this to compile your own gratitude list. Happy Thanksgiving!

Jack Diablo: I’m thankful for Robbie Kicks, my junior high school karate sensei, for showing me how to pick out the best black tar heroin. To this day, I’ve never had a bad batch.

Juan Aguas: I’m thankful for the lucrative investment I made in a handful of gay, octogenarian resorts in Malaysia.

Sisyphus Coxx: I’m thankful I now have enough illegitimate children to staff my textile sweatshop.

Frau Chicklet: I’m thankful for my hometown: Furstenstarn am Schwaben von Klosterstein. I vish I could be der for Tanksgibing!!

Slick Dickson: I’m thankful for my lord and savior: me. Also, hats.

Joey Modesto: I’m thankful for Sylvester Stallone, ethnic children, and cherry-flavored popsicles.

 

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A thankful Joey Modesto.

Set List, Doc’s Lab, 11/10/15

Check out the setlist from our November 10, 2015, show at Doc’s Lab.

“Lick it Up” *

“Whore Hut”

“Abortion”

Baby Dick

GFY” ^

War on Christmas

“Bestiality” #

Al Qaeda Girls

Wonderin’” ^

* Kiss cover (Stanley, Cusano; Copyright: Street Beat Music)

^ featuring special guest Ricky Lipz

# Salty Onion cover (Copyright: Jones, Rager, Rager, Schaffer, Shafer)

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Success at Doc’s Lab; Chad Galactic’s New Video

We had an amazing time at Doc’s Lab on Tuesday night. This is a room that, when it was known as the Purple Onion, hosted numerous groundbreaking comedians, including Lenny Bruce, the Smothers Brothers (who recorded their first album there), Richard Pryor, Woody Allen, and Phyllis Diller. So, we’re proud and honored to be part of that comedy tradition. Also, the area, North Beach, was infamously known as the Barbary Coast, where any and all lewd and lascivious acts were permitted—we’re honored to be part of that tradition, too. We also introduced Ricky Lipz, our first ever special guest, who sat in on “GFY” and “Wonderin'”—Check out our setlist from the show.

Tuesday also marked the release of Chad Galactic’s album, So Hot Right Now, as well as his video for “South of the Border,” animated by Josh Clark, who bears resemblance to our estranged guitarist, Sad Al.

As you probably know, Clark also animated our video for “Wonderin,'” which you should watch repeatedly and share with everyone you know.

A big thanks to all the friends, family, and fans who showed up to make it a lively evening filled with (mostly imagined) debauchery. Lastly, thanks also goes out to our friend Fred Torphy—who has curated Tuesday night music at Doc’s Lab all year—for begging us to play.

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Fancy Ketchup, scaring the shit out of you.

docs lab full band

from l to r: Dickson, Chicklet, Diablo, Galactic, Coxx, Aguas, Lipz, Modesto.

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Food Raps with Vitamin D, left, and Chad Galactic.

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Fred Torphy, obstructed by mic, and the Spirits (McMillan, drums; DiBerardino, bass)

Join us tomorrow night at Doc’s Lab!

Just a reminder: We’re playing a full set tomorrow night at Doc’s Lab in North Beach, San Francisco. Joining us are Fred Torphy and the Spirits and Chad Galactic and Vitamin D. It’s also Chad’s record-release party, and the night is sure to include special guests! Doors open at 7pm.

We know we’ll see you there!

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Tuesday’s Spirits at Doc’s Lab, November 10, 2015.